By Pastor Lubinda Kapuyi, September 7 2026.
What is Premarital Sex?
Premarital sex is one of the most dangerous weapons the devil has been using against sexually active teenagers, youths, and adults who are still single. Premarital Sex is sex that is done by a man or woman who is not yet married.
The Biblical Perspective Vs Worldly Perspective
Sex can be understood from either a worldly or a biblical perspective. The worldly perspective that many people carry about sex is mostly promoted by the culture that surrounds us, worldly movies we watch, and the books we read. The biblical perspective on sex is found in God’s inspired Word, the Bible. The worldly perspective views sex as simply a means to man’s pleasure and fulfillment (Andreas J. Köstenberger and David W. Jones, God, Marriage, and Family: Rebuilding the Biblical Foundation, 79). This is the main reason why most worldly books you are going to read and sex videos you are going to watch promote more the styles and ways to enjoy sex rather than the main purpose of having sex.
A closer look at God’s Word shows us that in the beginning, God created man in his own image; male and female he created them. God blessed them and commanded them to be fruitful, multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it (Gen. 1:26-28). Sex was the natural means by which Adam and Eve were going to fulfill this command (Gen. 1:28). We need to first pay attention to the fact that sex was, and is, instituted not for man’s pleasure and satisfaction only, but as a means by which man can worship God as both man and woman obey God’s command to multiply and fill the earth. Secondly, sex was and is meant to happen only in a permanent heterosexual marriage union between a man and a woman (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:4-9). For Christians, it is not only about a permanent heterosexual marriage union, but a marriage union between people of the same faith in Christ Jesus (1 Cor. 7:39).
Sex in the Context of Worship
As I pointed out earlier, sex is a means by which we worship God, because through sex, we obey God’s command to multiply and fill the earth (Gen. 1:28). Does this imply that every man and woman out there who is having sex, getting pregnant, and having children is worshiping God because, in one way or another, they are filling the earth? Absolutely NOT! Dr. Mark Baynes, in his book, WORSHIP UNDER THE INFLUENCE: Rediscovering the Joy of Acceptable Worship, explains that there is a theology of worship that helps us to understand that “God cares deeply about how and in what manner His people worship him in this fallen world” (Mark Baynes, Worship Under the Influence: Rediscovering the Joy of Acceptable Worship, 22). He continues that in every way we worship God, our focus must be on glorifying God, which forces us to ask, “Are we worshipping the way You desire, Lord?” Putting the question in context: “Lord, am I having sex in the way You desire?”
God indeed desires that men and women have sex and have babies to fill the earth, but He commands that this happens only in the context of a permanent heterosexual marriage union established under His authority (Gen. 2:24; Matt. 19:4-9). This is true and acceptable worship. Any form of sex done before marriage or cohabitation (a man and woman maritally living together without being married before God) is biblically referred to as fornication or sexual immorality, and any form of sex outside the bonds of marriage for those who are married is referred to as adultery. All sexually immoral people and adulterous persons, Paul warns, will be judged by God and will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-10; Gal. 5:19-21; Heb. 13:4). All children who are born out of the bonds of marriage are referred to as illegitimate children, and God’s purpose and plan for sex was not to produce illegitimate children (Deut. 23:2; Heb. 12:8).
Some Reasons Behind Sex Before Marriage
1. Human Rights: Human Rights are great regarding protection against sexual violence, rape, and coercion. On the other hand, Human Rights also promote autonomy of one’s body in relation to sex. Organizations for human rights and non-governmental organizations working together with governments promote the use of contraceptives for sexually active teenagers and young girls to prevent pregnancy, which in turn makes teenagers and young girls engage more in premarital sex with this false sense of security. In cases of unexpected pregnancy, they offer free access to abortion, which is also an attempt to encourage more premarital sex and goes in direct conflict with the teaching of the Bible.
Contraceptives are a big deception for sexually active teenagers and young boys and girls, as they promise protection from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. The truth is that the protection contraceptives offer is not 100% safe, as it depends on how the user handles them and the quality of the contraceptives themselves. An HIV care cascade report for individuals aged 15 years and older from 2020 to 2023 indicates that “by 2023, approximately 2.4 million people in Mozambique were living with HIV, with an estimated 44, 000 deaths attributed to HIV/AIDS-related causes and around 81, 000 new infections” (https://doi.org/10.37432/jieph-d-25-00272). With the increase in difficulties in accessing health centers and services, many remain unaware of their HIV status, continue to spread the virus, and even enter into marriage with it.
I was reading an article from PubMed Central that strongly argued that “sexually active adolescents and young women in East Africa are often overlooked because they are not given proper access to contraceptives to prevent unintended pregnancies and adolescent childbearing” (https://doi.org/10.1093/inthealth/ihae079). The truth is that unwanted or unintended pregnancy is not a global problem, but premarital sex is. Pregnancy, as I have shown from the beginning, is a blessing from God who said, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). The problem is when it happens outside the confines of marriage. There is surely no need to work hard in encouraging sexually active teenagers and young girls to enjoy premarital sex by promising them the comfort of contraceptives. This is pure evil in God’s eyes!
2. Poverty: Poor living conditions usually force sexually active teenagers and young women to begin to look at sex as a source of income, and for some, a permanent source of income (e.g., Sex Workers).
3. Curiosity: Because of physical growth changes going on and exposure to social media, sexually active teenagers and young men and women have so much curiosity about what sex really is. Social Media and technology in general are among the greatest weapons that the devil is using in these last days to advance his agenda of sexual immorality and impurity. Most of the cultures in Africa tend to shy away from discussing matters of sex with young boys and girls, giving opportunity to social media to take the lead. It is sad that even Christian parents are influenced by a cultural perspective about sex and usually shy away from teaching the biblical perspective on sex to their sexually active teenagers and youths. This increases the curiosity levels of teenagers and young boys and girls about sex, leaving sexually active teenagers and youths vulnerable to the worldly perspective on sex promoted by social media and websites that promote all forms of worldliness.
4. Education and Work Careers: Sexually active teenagers and young girls in schools are sometimes forced into premarital sex in exchange for a good grade at school. Young girls seeking a job opportunity are also forced to practice premarital sex in exchange for a job opportunity. For women who are in a work environment, job promotions sometimes come with the high cost of premarital sex or adultery for those who are married.
5. The Promise of Marriage: For most young women who are in the dating and engagement process, the devil uses the promise of marriage as a weapon to tempt them to premarital sex. Women who tend to stand strong on Christian values and principles of no sex before marriage tend to suffer the consequences of being abandoned by their boyfriends who go after weak-willed women who practice all kinds of sexual impurity for marriage bait.
Is Sexual Purity Possible?
The answer is YES! Sexual purity is totally possible, but a great challenge. What makes the difference most of the time is the age at which one gets exposed to a biblical perspective of life. The earlier, the better. For some, even without biblical ethics, their own familial and cultural ethics are strong enough to stand on for sexual purity.
Joseph – A Biblical Example
One of the greatest examples we have in the Bible of a young, sexually active man who maintained himself pure was Joseph (Gen. 39:1-23). As I have mentioned earlier, growing up with a biblical perspective and the fear of the Lord is the key to sexual purity. Joseph’s father, Jacob, had brought up all his children in the knowledge and fear of God, and sexual purity was part of their covenant in walking with the Lord. When Joseph was brought as a slave to Egypt, Potiphar bought him and brought him into his house. With the favor of the Lord upon him, Joseph became the overseer of Potiphar’s house. Apart from the favor of the Lord, the Bible tells us that Joseph was a very handsome man in form and appearance, and this caught the attention of Potiphar’s wife, who demanded that Joseph practice premarital sex with her.
What we are seeing here is not just Potiphar’s wife and Joseph, but a war between two worldviews. A man who grew up in a biblical view of sex has to deal with a woman who grew up in a worldly view of sex, and for sure the end won’t be very good. Joseph is not only struggling with Potiphar’s wife but also fighting the devil’s temptation. Joseph maintained himself sexually pure before the LORD by refusing to have sex with Potiphar’s wife, who kept on speaking to him about it day after day.
Here is an example of a man who stood for sexual purity in honor of the LORD, and this brought him consequences, including a prison sentence, from which the LORD later on rescued him. This is an example for us that sexual purity is possible, and most of the time might come with a cost of either losing the relationship you have with someone or certain friends. If it was not for the opportunity to grow up in a family that honored the LORD, Joseph would have had no problem with premarital sex with Potiphar’s wife. This is a lesson for us as parents to educate our children in Biblical knowledge and the fear of the LORD in many areas of their lives.
When Paul talks about the New Life in Christ, he mentions that sexual immorality or impurity must not even be named among those who are in Christ, and it is even shameful to speak of these things, including sexual immorality, that we used to do in the darkness. Now that we are in Christ, we are in the light; we have a new perspective on life, including matters to do with sexual purity (Eph. 5:1-14).
The Problem of Sexual Impurity in the Old and New Testaments
The devil has been using sex as his weapon of mass destruction for single people, marriages, families, and entire cities and nations, going back as far as the days of Abraham in the Bible. When God sent angels to rescue Lot, Abraham’s nephew, “the men of Sodom, both young and old, all the people to the last man, surrounded Lot’s house and wanted to have sex with angels (fellow men) whom they perceived to be Lot’s visitors (Gen. 19:1-10). Other Old Testament examples include Jacob’s daughter, Dinah, who was coerced and sexually abused by Shechem (Gen. 34). During the times of the judges, an unnamed concubine from Bethlehem was sexually assaulted by a gang of men, which led to a brutal tribal war in Israel (Judges 19). Bathsheba, a married woman, was sexually abused by King David, which later led to the death of her own husband (2 Sam. 11). Tamar, King David’s daughter, was raped by her own half-brother, Amnon, which in turn started a great distress in David’s family (2 Sam. 13). In the New Testament, the problems of sexual impurity and immorality even take a much deeper dimension. In Romans 1:26-27, Paul talks about God’s righteousness in judging lesbians (women having sex with fellow women) and homosexuals (men having sex with fellow men). In the church of Corinth, there was a man who was having sexual relations with his own stepmother (1 Cor. 5:1), and possible high-level prostitution was going on in the church (1 Cor. 6:15-20). Because of this situation, Paul encouraged sexually active single men in the church to each have his own wife and sexually active single women to each have their own husband to avoid the temptation of sexual immorality (1 Cor. 7:1-2). In his first letter to Timothy, Paul instructed and encouraged younger widows in the church not to stay single, but to marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the devil no occasion for slander (1 Timothy 5:11-15).
FINDING HEALING AFTER PREMARITAL SEX
Shame and Guilt
Before and after the act of premarital sex, the Holy Spirit’s conviction about sin is real in the life of both the believer and unbeliever (John 16:8; Rom. 2:15). Others are grieved towards repentance while others are not (2 Cor. 7:10). If you are one of those who is feeling the godly grief in you that leads to repentance, I would like you to know that premarital sex is just like any other sin. Yes, premarital sex is walking in darkness, and it truly breaks our fellowship with God and people around us (1 John 1:5-7). But the Bible also promises that “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (1 John 1:9). For anyone ready to confess their sin of premarital sex, Jesus is a good lawyer in our defense before God, and he died on the cross both for the sins of those who are already his children, and also for those who would love not only to confess their sin but also to confess Jesus as Lord and Savior in their lives (1 John 2:1-2).
Some people carry this guilt and shame in their hearts for many years without confessing it before the Lord, even when they are married. David said, “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened” (Psalm 66:18). He again says in another Psalm that, “Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man against whom the Lord counts no iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer. I acknowledged my sin to you, and I did not cover my iniquity; I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the Lord,” and you forgave the iniquity of my sin” (Psalm 32:1-5).
Therefore, don’t allow your prayers to be hindered or miss God’s blessings of joy in your life, marriage, or family life by cherishing sin in your heart and keeping silent. Confess your sin before the Lord and allow Him to heal you. Premarital sex is a burden that many carry for years, and Jesus promises that when we draw near to him in confession, he is ready to help us carry this burden and give us rest so that we can find rest for our souls (Matthew 11:28-30).
Unexpected Pregnancy
One of the most common consequences of premarital sex is pregnancy, and almost all the time, it is an unexpected pregnancy. Many girls who find themselves in this situation usually panic about how they are going to handle the shame and criticism that will arise from friends and family around them, especially if a lady is a Christian. Am I ready to be a mother? Am I ready to be a father? How will my father and mother receive the news? What am I going to do about my school? Is the man who impregnated me going to take up the responsibility? What are we going to do since neither of us works? Is it okay for me to consider an abortion? Will my father and mother force me to get married to the man who impregnated me?
The biggest temptation as a quick exit from the consequences for most girls is abortion. With human rights and girl-child education movements promoting autonomy of girls over their own bodies, and with some parents dedicated to seeing their daughters complete their education, many girls are encouraged to have an abortion. What speeds up this decision is also a lack of support from the male partner, the girl not being ready for marriage or parenthood, lack of emotional and financial support from parents, lack of proper biblical counseling, either from parents, relatives, friends, church, or other places, poor living and financial conditions, fear of forced marriage (in some cultures), fear of stigma, and also a lack of Biblical knowledge and the Fear of God.
If you are in this situation of unexpected pregnancy, or you know of someone who is in this situation, and they are considering options, I would sincerely advise them that no matter what the reason might be for abortion, killing an innocent unborn baby in trying to flee from your own sin’s consequences is a double sin and guilt before God. The world might tell you that you have rights over your own body, but nevertheless, let me share with you what Scripture says.
Apostle Paul explains that from the time a woman receives Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior of her life, she stops having autonomy over her body because it is no longer hers. Jesus purchased her with a high price of his own precious blood, which was shed on the cross, and therefore, she is not her own, but belongs to God, and her body is now the temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Cor. 6:19-20). She is to glorify God in her body. Concerning the unborn child, let me share with you what Scripture says:
• Psalm 22:10 “On you was I cast from my birth, and from my mother’s womb you have been my God.”
• Psalm 139:13, 15-16 “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them”.
• Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.”
• Galatians 1:15 “But when he who had set me apart before I was born, and who called me by his grace…”
These verses above demonstrate God’s foreknowledge of the unborn child. Therefore, the “You shall not murder” commandment applies immediately after the woman conceives (Exodus 20:13). It is expected in most cases, depending on each family and culture, that the woman may be forced into early marriage, become a single parent, struggle physically, emotionally, and financially, lose school, face stigma from friends and family, etc. Though these challenges exist, I agree with Dr. Clifton Morris that “once a child is conceived, both the man and the woman involved, including parents, are held accountable before a holy God for the well-being of that unborn child” (Clifton F. Morris, The Genesis Family: Family Life Lessons, From the Garden to Goshen, 161). The most important thing to do is to confess one’s sin and allow God, who is faithful, gracious, and just, to forgive and cleanse you from your sin and restore you (1 John 1:9). If you go to church, seek the help and counseling of your pastor or pastor’s wife, or any elderly and wise person whom you trust to help you. Sometimes, it is important to hear from others who have gone through the same situation and learn from their success story.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, we must avoid sex before marriage at all costs! Let us abandon a worldly view of sex and adopt a biblical view of sex. You might not know whom God is preparing as your future husband or wife, but being faithful to your future partner begins right now, when you are still single. If you are a Christian, sexual purity is a non-negotiable subject. Be Holy as your heavenly Father is Holy (Lev. 11:11)! Persevere in resisting the temptation of premarital sex that you might be facing right now, and God will surely reward your faithfulness. At the right time, you shall enjoy sex with that woman or man whom God will bless you with in the context of a one-flesh union in marriage. God will surely judge the sexually immoral persons (Gal. 5:19-21), and trust me, you don’t want to fall under God’s condemnation.
If you fall into the sin of premarital sex, don’t panic; God forgives (1 John 1:9)! Even if you get pregnant, God forgives, and He can restore you. There are consequences that you cannot avoid, even though you receive the forgiveness of God. You can’t stop people from thinking and talking badly about you, stigmatizing you, or the responsibility you have of taking care of the unborn child. But what is encouraging is that with the forgiveness of God, peace reigns in your heart, and God will provide you with people around you who will support you as you persevere through your situation. If you haven’t yet received Christ as Lord and Savior, I would encourage you to confess your sin and surrender your life to Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and God will grant you eternal life (John 3:16; Romans 6:23). After you surrender your life to Christ, find a Bible-believing church, and you will be blessed with a great community of brothers and sisters whom God will use to strengthen you.
If you need counseling or help on these matters, please contact me:
Email: info@lubindakapuyi.com
Phone/WhatsApp: +258 85 211 4727.
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